Society today can provide a plethora of reasons for angry feelings. Everyone deals with anger differently. Holding on to our past anger, though, can contribute to eventually feeling apathetic, anxious, depressed, or emotionally withdrawn. The skills to deal with anger may not be second nature for people, and for those who seek a greater understanding of how to cope with anger, please contact us for an appointment. We’re here to help.
According to Psychology Today: Severe wounds, whether emotional or physical in nature, whether formally considered abuse or not, lead to a lowered threshold for feeling threatened. Subsequently, those with this lowered threshold often perceive a threat when none really exists. Consequently, they may be quick to make a faulty judgment about the true negative potential of the threat.
For such individuals, the failure to address these significant wounds lead to the avoidance of emotional intimacy, a sense of paralysis in seeking happiness, hesitancy in striving toward achieving one’s goals and even an overall withdrawal from a more present emotional investment in life. Depression may also play an important role for such individuals, as a contributing cause or as a result of difficulty letting go of anger.
Holding on to past anger may insulate us against feeling vulnerable, but doing so invariably makes us less available for real happiness and greater security in the present. Some of my clients who have held onto anger are able to identify a specific event that triggered this reaction. And they recall making a conscious decision, following a particularly meaningful wound, to cease emotionally investing in their future relationships. Others recognize, through the knowledge gained by self-reflection and hindsight, that they gradually made this decision over a period of time and not in a very conscious manner.
The cost for this decision is a life of feeling emotionally isolated yet longing for connection. It is a pattern that invariably leads to an increased potential for anger, as well as anxiety and depression. Holding on to past anger leads to a life in limbo, a sense of paralysis caused by the desire for more life that is counterweighted by the fear of embracing it.
Holding on to anger regarding the severe wounds of our past makes perfect sense to the emotional brain. The hurt and suffering caused by these wounds may leave us hyper-vigilant to avoid such pain in the future. This defensive reaction is rooted in our evolution, entailing a core drive to protect ourselves from future suffering. And just as thinking can influence our emotions, the rawness of emotional suffering regarding deep wounds can support all types of cognitive distortions such as overgeneralization, catastrophize, and emotional reasoning.
To continue reading this article, click here.