Surviving a traumatic experience when others do not is a difficulty that an increasing number of people in the world face. Survivor’s guilt is a very real experience for adults and children, particularly with the rise of mass shootings. If you have recently survived trauma—physical or emotional—please reach out for professional help. For those in the West Side Cleveland area, we’re here for you.
A brave teacher named Missy Dodds who survived the mass shooting at Red Lake Senior High School in Minnesota recounts her story in The New Yorker: “That’s something that’s so hard with P.T.S.D. You don’t see it. It’s a brain injury. I always had to know where my exits are. My husband always has to remind me, during hunting season, ‘You’re going to be hearing guns.’ I’ll always pay attention to ambulances.
“I keep in touch with my students. Facebook helps. And I’m still in the community, so I run into them. They know exactly what I went through. Because once the numbness wears off, the pain is intolerable. They know what I saw, they know what I smelled. Smell is a big trigger for me. The smell of death. I can’t handle that smell.
“I’ve had a lot of trouble with this Florida shooting. Last Wednesday, I happened to click on the news, and I saw it. And you just think, Oh, my gosh—not another one. Not another one. It really made me sick, because it was so, so similar. It makes me mad. I get angry, but then I don’t know who to get angry at. I get scared.
“I have a daughter and two twin sons. At my daughter’s school, they do what’s called alice training: Alert, Lockdown, Inform, Counter, Evacuate. They’re taught to fight back. She’s in first grade.
“I don’t want to know the shooter’s name. I want to know about the victims. And don’t forget about them. Because it’s, like, all of a sudden it’s news—and then there’s nothing. It’s just such a long road they have ahead of them. My heart hurts for them. They’re gonna go through survivor’s guilt. It took me years and years to get over that. Because I’m a teacher, and I didn’t send your baby home to you.
“I struggle with that now. What am I going to do? I have my family, my kids. You’ve got to keep moving, because you have kids now.
“I think the biggest thing is—it doesn’t matter how long it takes you. Just get help. You have to get help. And it’s O.K. to be where you are. You don’t get over it, but you can learn to live with it. I say that my journey is a lake. I don’t know what the other side of the lake is. Some days I swim, some days I feel like I’m sinking, some days I just tread water. But I keep moving.”
To read this complete article in The New Yorker, click here.