Wanting to console someone in grief but feeling helpless to do so is normal for many. We here at the Center for Effective Living understand. Recently we came across an article in Psychology Today on how you can help a friend who is experiencing grief after the loss of a loved one. It’s a simple and powerful technique to help navigate tough times, and we wanted to share it with you.
According to Psychology Today: …for the bereaved, one of the greatest gifts you can give is to mention their loved one’s name. After all, the name is the one thing that is uniquely their own. Surely others may share the name, but the name belongs to them. Saying their name may bring tears, but it is also because you were brave enough to meet them in their deepest need. Chances are, your heart will be pounding, and theirs will be too, but wait and listen.
Listen to what comes next. Chances are, there will be a story. A simple yet poignant one that you’ll carry with you and will give you a glimpse into their past. A past filled with joy until sorrow entered. And because you dared to be the one who didn’t have pity on the bereaved, but took time to hold them and listen, you too will not be forgotten.
And I suppose there will be awkward pauses and, perhaps, a solemn silence, but you will have filled a part of the bereaved one’s void in a way few can and will do. Don’t worry about rehearsing a script or saying something creative. Simply mentioning their loved one’s name and saying, “I remember” is enough. And in speaking those words, “I remember James,” or “I remember Peach,” your voice may shake, but remember there’s one thing you just did: you remembered.
When people ask me what to say to the bereaved or what they can do, I say remember to speak the name of the bereaved. It sounds so ordinary; yet, it is often the most remarkable thing you can do.
For the complete article on Psychology Today, click here.