The topic of school shootings has become largely unavoidable for our youth. So how do we balance the factors and fears associated with such a conversation? Psychology Today compiled a list of suggestions based on the studies of hundreds of children who have been exposed to trauma.
1. People need information.
Most of the advice you’ll find on the internet warns parents to limit their children’s access to media. That’s not necessarily sound advice. If you are a parent of a teen with a smartphone these days, you know that limiting their access to media is unlikely and can turn into an unnecessary control battle. Instead, try to have discussions about what your children are listening to and watching. Ask to watch it with them, or ask what they’re watching and then you go watch it yourself so you can talk about it later. People need to process what they just went through and put the experience into context.
2. Crisis calls for closeness.
If you can take off from work and stay at home with your children, consider doing that. They can’t lean on you if you’re not there. If you can’t stay at home, or your children want to be out with their peers, check in with them by phone occasionally.
3. You’re important as parents, but you’re not their peer group.
All the texting and chatting youths do with their faces buried in their phones is about connecting with their clan. As Judith Rich Harris explained so well in her book The Nurture Assumption, the peer group is an important shaper of children. Parents do matter, but children identify with their classmates and playmates rather than their parents.
4. What exactly did they experience?
At some point, maybe not right away, you need to know what your own children experienced. Because many youths will develop posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after these types of events, you need to know if your children are at risk for that. If your children felt like their lives were in danger, or their siblings or close friends were in danger, they are at higher risk for developing PTSD. You do not need to know all of the unpleasant details, but you need to know general classes of things. Did they see the shooter? Did they see someone get shot? Did they see the bodies? How did they hide or escape? Did they know the victims?
It is important for parents to know these things because research has shown that clinicians miss the diagnosis of PTSD 90% of the time in patients who have it. If your children develop PTSD, detection of the symptoms will largely be up to you. (Free questionnaires to assess PTSD can be downloaded from my Scheeringa Lab website.)
Fortunately, most individuals are resilient. Research has shown that among those who are exposed to life-threatening events, about 70% are resilient and do not develop PTSD.
To continue reading this article on Psychology Today, click here.
If you or anyone you know in the West Side Cleveland area are experiencing psychological effects of traumatic events including school shootings, we are here to help. Schedule an appointment with us today.